नियति (कविता) .

नियति
******************

हाँ,
मानता हूँ,
एक अनगढ़ पत्थर ही तो हूँ मैं ,
चाहो तो उछालो मुझको,
और पत्थर ही समझकर देवता की तरह पूजो मुझको,
बहस करो दोस्तों दुश्मनों से,
कि मैं पत्थर हूँ या कि हूँ देवता कोई !
और यदि सोचते हो कि मैं रास्ते की बाधा हूँ,
तो मुझसे बचकर के तुम निकल जाओ ।
मैं तो पत्थर ही हूँ,
एक अनगढ़ सा पत्थर !
सोचता हूँ कभी कोई पानी की लहर आयेगी,
धीरे-धीरे ही सही, गहरे पानी में ले जायेगी,
किसी नदी के आँचल में सरक जाऊंगा,
धीरे-धीरे ही सही, घिस-घिसकर
किसी न किसी दिन मैं,
गोल, चमकदार हो जाऊंगा,
खेलता पड़ा रहूँगा पानी में,
जब तक कि किसी दिन,
कोई आकर मुझे उबार न ले,
और फ़िर मुझको शिव शंकर समझकर,
मेरे बहाने सी वह भी,
ख़ुद ही ख़ुद से भी न उबर जाए,
पर अगर यह नहीं नियति मेरी,
तो शायद तुम ही कभी उठा लोगे मुझे,
प्यार से या कि फ़िर जबरदस्ती,
लेके छैनी-हथौड़ी हाथों में ,
मुझपे तुम ज़ोर आज़माओगे ।
मैं भी डरता हूँ सोचकर कि कहीं,
कि उछलकर उड़ती हुई कोई किरच,
तुम्हें लहू-लुहान ना कर दे,
और तुम्हारे साथ साथ मुझको भी,
कहीं बदनाम नहीं कर दे,
इसलिए बेहतर है -,
छोड़ दो मुझको तुम,
मेरी अपनी ही खुशनसीबी पे,
मेरे अपने ही हाल पर,
जो भी जैसा भी हूँ, -मैं ।

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उन दिनों -29.

उन दिनों -29.
"बस हम चाहते हैं कि कोई हमें बतलाये कि इस सब का क्या मतलब है ? हम, हमारा जीवन, हमारे तथाकथित 'धर्म', ईश्वर, आध्यात्म, इन सब चीज़ों के बारे में क्या कोई हमें बतलाता है ?"
-शुक्लाजी बोले ।
"तुम लोग आध्यात्म की शरण में, ग्रंथों की शरण में, गुरुओं के चरणों में नहीं गए ? "
-'सर' ने पूछा ।
"हाँ, हम तमाम बाबाओं, आचार्यों, विद्वानों, बुद्धिजीवियों, पंडितों, समाज-सुधारकों के पास गए, ज्योतिषियों, तांत्रिकों, दार्शनिकों, विचारकों, संतों, फकीरों योगियों, भक्तों आदि के पास भी गए, ख़ुद भी खोजने की कोशिश की, बहुत सी किताबें भी पढ़ते रहे, राजनीतिक विचारधाराओं को समझने की कोशिश भी हमने की । लेकिन सारे प्रयास करते हुए किसी एक को भी पूरी तरह समर्पित हुए हों ऐसा नहीं कह सकते । "
"यह तो अच्छा है न ?"
'सर' ने पूछा ।
"हाँ, एक दृष्टि से बहुत ही अच्छा रहा, क्योंकि हम किसी प्रकार के सिद्धांत या मतवाद के आग्रह से मुक्त रहकर खोज करते रह सके, पर, बस इतना ही । "
"फ़िर ?'
"फ़िर क्या, एक तरह से यह अच्छा तो है, लेकिन 'what next?' तो अभी भी हमारे सामने यक्ष-प्रश्न सा खड़ा है । ईश्वर है या नहीं ? इस सीधे से प्रश्न का भी कोई संतोषजनक उत्तर आज तक हमें किसी ने नहीं दिया । "
"हाँ । I see the point."
-सर बोले ।
"तुमने शायद पूरी मेहनत नहीं की । "
"हाँ, संभव है, पर वैसे भी यह कोई आसान सवाल तो नहीं है न ?"
"नहीं, मैं नहीं कहता कि यह सवाल आसान है या मुश्किल , लेकिन यदि तुम मेहनत करने के बाद भी इस सवाल का उत्तर नहीं ढूँढ सके, और दूसरे भी तुम्हें इसका संतोषप्रद उत्तर नहीं दे सके, तो ... ... ... "
-कहकर 'सर' चुप हो गए ।
"तो ?"
-बहुत लंबे एक पल तक प्रतीक्षा करने के बाद शुक्लाजी ने आख़िर पूछ ही लिया ।
'सर' फ़िर भी खामोश ही रहे ।
एक और लंबे पल की खामोशी के बाद बोले :
"क्या तुम्हें कभी ऐसा ख़याल नहीं आया कि शायद कहीं इस प्रश्न में ही कोई गहरी भूल है ?"
यह एक ज़बरदस्त आघात था । शुक्लाजी उबर सकते थे । उबर भी गए । फ़िर शान्ति से 'सर' के वचन पर चिंतन करने लगे ।
नहीं, उन्हें कोई ठेस नहीं पहुँच सकी थी । लेकिन अपने अभी तक अंधेरे में संघर्षरत रहने के तथ्य पर रौशनी पडी तो आश्चर्य का एक सदमा ज़रूर उन्हें पहुंचा ।
"पर आपसे पहले आज तक हमें किसी ने यह क्यों नहीं बताया ? "
-वे बोले ।
"क्योंकि वे पुराने उत्तरों से संतुष्ट थे, या उन्हें इतनी गहरी जिज्ञासा नहीं थी कि अंत तक खोजें ।"
-शांतिपूर्वक 'सर' बोले ।
एक सन्नाटा सा छाया हुआ था ।
हम सबको अंधेरे में ही छोड़कर 'सर' उठ खड़े हुए ।
"मेरे नहाने का वक्त है अब, फ़िर बातें करेंगे । "
-कहते हुए वे स्मितवदन उठ खड़े हुए ।
सबने विदा ली । लेकिन उनके जाने के बाद थोड़ी देर सब चुपचाप बैठे ही रहे । फ़िर वे चारों भी चले गए ।

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>> उन दिनों - 30. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

उन दिनों -28.

उन दिनों -28

अथातो जिज्ञासा
यह पुनरावृत्ति थी । हमारी चर्चा लगभग उसी रीति से हो रही थी, जैसी 'सर' के साथ मेरी चर्चा कभी हुई थी । शैली वही, लेकिन सब-कुछ नया-नया । जैसे आप किसी नए, बिल्कुल नए शहर में, दूर के किसी देश में होटल में ठहरें हों, और अलग-अलग खिड़कियों को अलग-अलग समय खोलकर, बाकी को बंद रखते हुए आकाश और शहर को देखें ।
फिलहाल वे चारों ड्राइंग रूम में चुपचाप बैठे हुए थे । अविज्नान खिड़की से बाहर देख रहा था । 'सर' और मैं भी चुप ही बैठे थे । वातावरण थोड़ा सा बोझिल लग रहा था । या मुझे ही ऐसा लगा होगा ।
"तुम लोग क्या करते हो ?" -सर ने आशुतोष को देखते हुए उनसे पूछा ।
"जी मैं और राजीव बैंक में कार्य करते हैं, भरत एम आर है, और शुक्लाजी, --- --- "
-कहते-कहते वह रुक गया ।
"जी मैं फिलहाल सड़क पर हूँ, याने कि बेरोजगार हूँ । " -शुक्लाजी बोले।
शुक्लाजी उन चारों में सबसे बड़े मालूम होते थे ।
तभी रवि ने हस्तक्षेप किया -
"सर, चारुचन्द्र शुक्ला अक्सर कवि-सम्मेलनों में निमंत्रण पाते हैं, स्थानीय हिन्दी साहित्य समिति के सचिव हैं, स्तरीय साहित्यकारों में इनकी गणना होती है, और इनके दो कविता-संग्रह प्रकाशित हो चुके हैं ।
"जी, क्षमा चाहूंगा, इस अकिंचन के दो 'काव्य-संग्रह' अब तक छप चुके हैं । " शुक्लाजी ने संशोधन करते हुए कहा ।
फ़िर एक और संशोधन कर बोले,
'दर-असल' प्रकाशित हुए कहने की बजाय यह कहना अधिक उचित होगा, कि उनका बाकायदा 'विमोचन' किया गया था । क्या यह एक मुकम्मल टिप्पणी नहीं है, यथार्थ पर ?"
उनके शब्दों में वेदना थी, या आत्म-प्रशंसा, या कुछ और, इसका अनुमान तो साहित्य से जुड़े लोग ही बतला सकेंगे ।
इस 'परिचय' में कुछ ऐसी बात थी जिसने अविज्नान का ध्यान अपनी ओर खींचा । उसने कनखियों से शुक्लाजी को देखा और जल्दी ही वापस खिड़की से बाहर नज़रें घुमा लीं ।
"आप उज्जैन आते रहते हैं ? "
-आशुतोष ने 'सर' से प्रश्न किया ।
"नहीं, कोई ख़ास कारण तो नहीं होता, बस कौस्तुभ से मिलने का मन होता है तो कोई बहाना ढूंढ लेता हूँ ।"
-वे सरलता से बोले ।
वे चारों असमंजस में थे कि चर्चा का प्रारंभ कहाँ से करें, और रवि या मैं बर्फ तोड़ने में बिल्कुल उत्सुक नहीं थे । अविज्नान इस बीच वहाँ से जा चुका था ।
शुक्लाजी को मंच संभालने की आदत थी । उन्होंने ही शुरुआत करते हुए कहा, :
हम सभी एक ही कॉलोनी में रहते आए हैं, बचपन ही से वहीं गुल्ली-डंडा और क्रिकेट खेलते हुए बड़े हुए, हाँ, अलग-अलग स्कूलों और कॉलेजों में पढ़ते हुए हम सब थोड़े-थोड़े अलग तरीकों से विकसित हुए, यह भी सच है । मेरी दिलचस्पी पढने-लिखने में ज़्यादा थी, लेकिन साहित्यिक चीज़ें मुझे ज़्यादा अच्छी लगतीं थीं । आशुतोष और राजीव पढने में मुझसे तेज़ थे, और कैरियर-कोन्शस भी थे । इसलिए आसानी से उन्नति की सीढियाँ चढ़ने लगे । "
"उन्नति की सीढियाँ" सुनते ही मुझे बरबस हँसी छूट गयी । मेरी हँसी के संक्रमण के असर से वे लोग भी मुस्कुराने लगे थे , लेकिन कोई यह न समझ पाया कि मैं क्यों हँसा था ।
"आप हँसे क्यों ?"
-शुक्लाजी ने मुझे सन्देहपूर्वक देखते हुए पूछ ही लिया ।
"मुझे कुछ याद आ गया था ।"
-मैंने जवाब दिया ।
"फ़िर ?"
- 'सर' ने गेंद वापस शुक्लाजी के पाले में डाल दी थी ।
"हाँ, तो मैं यह कह रहा था, कि हम लोग याने तथाकथित 'बुद्धिजीवी' बस कुल मिलाकर अपनी रोजी-रोटी और तथाकथित 'भौतिक'-विकास की चिंता में उलझे रहे , -हम चारों और हमारे दूसरे दोस्त भी लगभग ऐसे ही हैं सभी । कुछ लोगों ने भौतिक सुरक्षा खोज ली, कुछ 'प्रेम' के चक्कर में पड़े, कुछ नशे की ओर मुड़ गए, तो कुछ परिस्थितियों के शिकार होकर लगभग नष्ट ही हो गए । सबसे बढ़कर , और सबसे अलग कुछ वे भी थे, जिन्होंने 'सफल' होने को अपने 'प्रतिभा-संपन्न' होने के प्रमाण, 'मैडल' की तरह स्वीकार किया, और गाहे-बगाहे उसकी नुमाइश का मौका मिलते ही, उसके मद में पुलकित रहे, -एक-दो ऐसे भी हैं ।
हममें से हर कोई फ़िर भी वर्त्तमान की चिंताओं और लालसाओं, उनके अधूरे रह जाने के भयों की आशंका से ग्रस्त है कि उनसे त्वरित मुक्ति पाने या उन्हें पूरा करने की कोशिश में ही उसका सारा विवेक, सारी 'बुद्धि' खर्च हो जाती है । वे इक्के-दुक्के तथाकथित 'सफल' भी इसका अपवाद नहीं हैं, उन्हें भी अपने शिखर पर पहुँचे होने के भ्रम को बनाए रखने के लिए लगातार 'जूझते रहना' होता है, और वे सिर्फ़ इसी कोशिश में अंतत: समाप्त हो जाते हैं । मुझे नहीं लगता कि उनमें वह तेजस्विता शेष रह पाती है, जिसकी उम्मीद उनसे की जाती है । "

'सर' बस शांतिपूर्वक सुन रहे थे । इतने ध्यानपूर्वक, कि उनका मौन सहसा दिखलाई भी नहीं देता था।
"तो यही तो जीवन है !" -मैंने चर्चा में हस्तक्षेप किया । मानता हूँ , मैं चाहता था कि चर्चा किसी फ़लप्रदता तक पहुंचे । साथ ही 'सर' का भी सक्रिय इन्वोल्वेमेंट उसमें हो ।
"हाँ, लगता तो यही है कि यही तो जीवन है, और क्या उम्मीदें जीवन से हो सकती हैं, इसकी तो हमें कभी कल्पना तक नहीं उठती । लेकिन कभी-कभी इस सब पर शक भी ज़रूर उठता है, यह भी सच है । हाँ, अगर हमारा जीवन बढिया चलता रहे, दूसरों की तुलना में हम ज़्यादा सफल रहें, सुख-सुविधाएं, और थोड़ी-बहुत परेशानियाँ भी रहें तो हमें शिकायत नहीं होती जीवन से । और हम इस कभी-कभी उठनेवाले शक को फूँक मारकर उड़ा देते हैं । "
-शुक्लाजी डटे हुए थे ।
"फ़िर ?"
-'सर' ने पूछा ।
"कुछ नहीं, इसी में ज़िंदगी गुज़र जाती है । "
- शुक्लाजी उनके मुख को स्थिर दृष्टि से देखते हुए बोले ।
"किसकी ?"
-'सर' ने पूछा ।
"मनुष्य की, हमारी, और किसकी ?"
आशुतोष ने अचानक उत्तर दिया ।
"फ़िर तुम्हें क्या लगता है ?" इसके लिए क्या करना चाहिए ?
-'सर' ने अपने प्रश्न को बदलते हुए पूछा ।
बर्फ टूट चुकी थी । संवाद शुरू हो गया था। लेकिन हिमनद बहुत धीरे-धीरे खिसक रहा था ।
"You shall not regret,"
-मैंने अपने-आपसे कहा ।

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> उन दिनों -29. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
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उन दिनों -27

उन दिनों - 27.
"दर-असल होता यह है कि मैं जब उस 'अवस्था' में होता हूँ , और अचानक माहौल बदल जाता है, तो नए लोगों और बदले हुए माहौल में अपनी नए सिरे से एक 'पहचान' स्थापित करना मेरी पहली ज़रूरत होती है । नहीं तो मैं किसी से कनेक्ट ही नहीं हो सकता । क्योंकि कनेक्ट हो पाने के लिए कोई तो टर्मिनल होना चाहिए । उस अवस्था में तो कोई टर्मिनल कहाँ होता है ? पहले अपने एक 'मैं' को जगाना होता है, फ़िर औरों से इस 'मैं' के संबंध को माहौल के परिप्रेक्ष्य में समझना होता है, और फ़िर उस परिचय के चित्र को जीवन देना होता है, -सत्यता देनी होती है । यह सब बड़ा कठिन होता है । अगर 'व्यक्ति' को सत्य कहें तो उस अवस्था से 'व्यक्ति' के स्तर पर रूपांतरित होना, आसान तो नहीं हो सकता ।
हालांकि बचपन में उस पार्टी में उस दिन उस लड़की से हुई मुलाक़ात के बाद जो महसूस हुआ था, और जिसे उपयुक्त शब्द के अभाव में मैं अवस्था कह रह हूँ, यदि वह विशेष तरह की अनुभूति मेरे समक्ष न प्रकट हुई होती, तो शायद मैं भी औरों की तरह आसानी से दूसरों में घुल-मिल सकता, और सदा किसी दूसरे का सहारा खोजता रहता, -अपने से बाहर कहीं । "
अविज्नान की ईमानदारी और गंभीरता पर कोई संदेह नहीं किया जा सकता था । 'सर' में जो हाज़िर-जवाबी देखी है मैंने, उसमें एक उल्लास और एक आकुलता हुआ करती है, जबकि अविज्नान की हाज़िर-जवाबी यथासंभव गंभीर और ईमानदार होती थी, जैसे कोई बारीक हिसाब समझा रहा हो ।
"तुमने एक बात और कही थी, कि स्मृति और विचार से रहित चेतना , -शुद्ध चेतना क्या है, यह तुम्हें उस अनुभूति से ही पता चला था । " -मैंने उसका पीछा नहीं छोड़ा था ।
वह बस अपलक मेरी ओर देखता रहा था ।
"हां," वह आगे बोला,
"देखिये कई चीज़ें हमें जब समझ में आती भी हैं, तो वे समझ में आई हैं, ऐसा तत्काल ही पता चले यह ज़रूरी नहीं, कभी कभी तो बरसों तक भी पता नहीं चल पाता है । वह तो समय गुजरने पर ही पता चलता है कि ... ... । "
-उसने वाक्य को वहीं छोड़ दिया ।
"जैसे ?"
-मैंने अधीरता से पूछा ।
"जैसे आपको किसी से प्यार हो जाता है, तो क्या तुंरत ही समझ में आ जाता है ? " -उसने गंभीरतापूर्वक पूछा ।
मुझे झटका सा लगा । प्यार की बात वह ऐसे कर रहा था जैसे जेब कट जाने की बात हो । शायद जेब कट जाने का उदाहरण ज़्यादा मुनासिब होता ।
"या जैसे जेब कट जाए । " -मैंने उम्मीद का दामन नहीं छोड़ा था ।
"जेब कटने पर तो तुंरत ही समझ में आ जाता है । " -उसने हँसते हुए कहा ।
"अच्छा, क्या तुम्हें कभी-कभी ऐसा नहीं लगता कि तुम्हारी हालत कोई न्यूरोटिक-कंडीशन तो नहीं है ?"
"मैं आपको बतला चुका हूँ कि यह कोई 'अनुभव' या कंडीशन नहीं है । यही एकमात्र अनकंडीशनल चीज़ है, जिसके आधार पर अन्य सभी दशाएं, सारे अनुभव, होते, बनते-बिगड़ते , टिकते-मिटते रहते हैं । "
-उसका 'कूल' याने ठंडा जवाब आया ।
यह पुनरावृत्ति थी । हमारी चर्चा लगभग उसी रीति से चल रही थी जैसी 'सर' के साथ कभी मेरी चर्चा हुई थी ।
"अच्छा, तुम 'चित्त' और 'मन' इन दो शब्दों का अलग-अलग अर्थ करते हो । उससे भी तुम्हारी बातें समझने में मुश्किल आती है । " -मैंने चर्चा आगे बढ़ाई ।
"देखिये मैं आपको कुछ सुनाता हूँ, " कहकर उसने अपने झोले से वही पुरानी डायरी निकाली, जिसमें से उसने कभी पुरी के समुद्र-तट पर मुझे 'सेतु-सोपान-सूत्र' सुनाया था ।
'चित्तं चित् विजानीयात् 'त'-कार-रहितं यदा,
'त'-कार विषयाध्यासो ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... "
कहकर उसने विस्तार से समझाना शुरू किया ।
"हम पता नहीं क्या-क्या जानते हैं । लेकिन यह 'जानना' अपने-आप में क्या चीज़ है, इस पर कभी हमारा ध्यान ही नहीं जाता । इतना अमूर्त्त तत्त्व है , यह "जानना"; कि यद्यपि इसके माध्यम से ही सब-कुछ जाना जाता है, लेकिन स्वयं इसे किसके माध्यम से जाना जाए?
'जानना' तो आधारभूत तत्त्व है सारे ज्ञान का । जैसे किसी भव्य भवन की प्रशंसा करते समय उसकी नींव पर हमारा ध्यान नहीं जाता, वैसा ही कुछ इस 'जानने' और ज्ञान के पारस्परिक संबंध के बारे में है । जब हम 'ज्ञान' को, 'जानकारी' को, 'सूचना' को, 'इन्फ़ोर्मेशन' को ही सब कुछ समझते हैं, तो यह वैसा ही है, जैसे किसी भव्य भवन की तारीफ करते समय उसकी नींव पर ध्यान न देना । हम विचार को ही ज्ञान समझ बैठते हैं । या फ़िर हम विचारों की प्रस्तुति की कला को ही ज्ञान समझ बैठते हैं । ऐसा ज्ञान सदैव विकल्पात्मक होता है । ऐसा ज्ञान, ज्ञान नहीं, ज्ञान का आभास मात्र होता है । इसे स्थूल ज्ञान भी कह सकते हैं । यह 'विषयों' के बारे में हमारी 'जानकारी' का सूचक होता है । इसका अपना उपयोग है, खासकर भौतिक पदार्थ, भौतिक काल, भौतिक स्थान आदि के परिप्रेक्ष्य में । लेकिन वह सारा ज्ञान स्वयं 'जानने' का स्वरूप तत्त्वत: क्या है, इस बारे में कोई संकेत तक नहीं देता । हम अपने बारे में भी जानते हैं । लेकिन यह अपने बारे में 'जानना' न तो जानकारी होता है, न सूचना, और न कोई इन्फ़ोर्मेशन होता है । लेकिन वह आधारभूत 'जानना' है, जिस के सहारे बुद्धि, विचार, स्मृति, भावनाएं, निश्चय आदि का भव्य भवन खडा होता है, और इस बुनियादी 'जानने' की ओर ध्यान देने की हमें सूझती ही नहीं । फ़िर, यह भी उल्लेखनीय है कि यह 'जानना', नि:शब्द होता है, अपने 'होने' और अपने 'होने' के बारे में यह 'जानना तो हमें स्वभाव से ही मिला हुआ है । क्या उसे प्रमाणित किए जाने की ज़रूरत होगी ? या, क्या उसके अस्तित्त्व को इनकार किया जा सकता है ? लेकिन वह 'जानना' हमारा इतना अन्तरंग है, कि उसे किसी तर्क या तकनीक से निरस्त नहीं किया जा सकता । वह हमारा स्वरूपभूत अकाट्य सत्य है । इस 'जानने' के तत्त्व को हम वैयक्तिक समझ बैठते हैं, जो कि हमारा एक भ्रम है । जब हमारी बुद्धि काम नहीं करती, तब भी हमें पता होता है कि मेरी बुद्धि काम नहीं कर रही । जब हम सोच नहीं पाते, तो 'जानते' हैं कि मैं सोच नहीं पा रहा । तो यह 'जानना' एक अमूर्त्त तत्त्व है, जो हममें आवश्यक रूप से अन्तर्निहित है । लेकिन दूसरी ओर जिस तथ्य को देख पाने में हमें अत्यन्त कठिनाई होती है, वह यह है, कि हम 'जानने' में ही अन्तर्निहित हैं । यदि 'जानना' नहीं, तो हम नहीं । यह 'दर्शन-शास्त्र' नहीं 'दर्शन' है, शुद्ध दर्शन, जो कोई फिलोसोफी या बौद्धिक 'निष्कर्ष' या अनुमान कदापि नहीं है । वे भी इस 'जानने' में ही , इस पर ही अवलंबित होते हैं, जबकि 'जानना' उन सबसे असंलग्न , परम स्वतंत्र है । फ़िर 'वह वैयक्तिक है', हमारा ऐसा ख़याल भी बुनयादी भूल है हमारी । वह सबमें व्याप्त है, और सब उसमें व्याप्त है । जब वह व्यक्ति-विशेष में अभिव्यक्त होता है , तो उसे 'चेतना' कहा जा सकता है ! उस 'चित्' अर्थात् 'शुद्ध जानने' का व्यक्तिगत रूप है चेतना / 'जीवनं सर्वभूतेषु' (गीता अध्याय ७/ श्लोक ९ ), इन्द्रियाणां मनश्चास्मि भूतानामस्मि चेतना (गीता अध्याय १०, श्लोक २२)।
यहाँ से मुझे 'चित्', 'चित्त', और 'मन' को परस्पर भिन्न समझने का युक्तिसंगत आधार मिलता है ।
'जानना' है सबसे स्वतंत्र अमूर्त्त 'चित्' तत्त्व, जिसमें सब अन्तर्निहित है, और जो सबमें अन्तर्निहित है ।
'चेतना' है वैयक्तिक 'चित्त', जो सदैव होता तो है लेकिन अमूर्त्त होते हुए भी भिन्न भिन्न व्यक्तिगत अनुभवों का आधार होता है ।
और 'मन' वह है, जो कि चित्त से 'विषयों' के जुड़ने पर अस्तित्त्व ग्रहण कर लेता है ।
इसलिए मूलत: तो 'चित्त', 'चित्' की ही स्थानीय (localised) अभिव्यक्ति है , जो जीव-विशेष में प्रकट होती है । जब 'चित्त' विषय-मात्र से रहित होता है, तो शुद्ध चित्-रूप पाया जाता है -
चित्तं चित् विजानीयात् 'त्'-कार-रहितं यदा,
'त'-कार विषयाध्यासो ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ।
'त'-कार का अर्थ है 'गुण', फैलाव, विशेषता, 'त्व', जैसे एकता और एकत्व एक का का गुण होते हैं । 'त'-कार है, चित्त से विषय की संलग्नता, निकटता । तब अपनी एक कृत्रिम 'पहचान' पैदा होती है । " -कहकर उसने डायरी बंद कर दी ।

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>उन दिनों -28. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

उन दिनों -26.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<उन दिनों -25.>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
उन दिनों - 26.
अविज्नान 'अवस्था' की etymology बतलाने लगा ।
फ़िर मैंने चर्चा में हस्तक्षेप करते हुए पूछा , :
'अच्छा, तो क्या अवस्था के इस स्वरूप का दर्शन करना कोई 'अनुभव' है ?'
'यही तो समस्या है ! यद्यपि सारी अनुभव इसी की पृष्ठ-भूमि में होने से घटित होते हैं, किंतु यह 'पृष्ठ-भूमि' किसी किस्म का अनुभव है, ऐसा कहना अनुचित होगा । फ़िर भी, अनुभवों की श्रंखला के अवरुद्ध होते ही वह अवस्था अकस्मात् प्रत्यक्ष हो उठती है , बस इतना ज़रूर कह सकते हैं । '
हम फ़िर मौन हो गए । मैं पूछना तो और भी बहुत कुछ चाहता था, लेकिन उसके चारों और 'मौन' का जो प्रभामंडल मुझे आलिंगित कर रहा था उसमें मेरे सारे प्रश्न मुझे निपट अर्थहीन लगने लगे थे ।
उस मौन में टिके रहना फ़िर भी मेरे लिए कुछ कठिन था । मेरा अपना ही मन मुझे उसमें डूबने में बाधा बन रहा था । जैसे सुबह-सुबह बहुत अच्छी नींद आ रही हो, और सड़क का शोर आपको सोने न दे ।
लेकिन तब मैं सो भी कहाँ रहा था ? तब मैं बिल्कुल जागृत था, -ऐसी जागृति तो कभी-कभी ही हुआ करती है ।
उस मौन में टिके रहना कठिन इसलिए भी था, क्योंकि तब चित्त में कुछ कौंध रहा था । यह शोर तो नहीं था, लेकिन मन की ही पुरानी मूर्खताओं के क्रम की एक कड़ी था ।
यह कुछ वैसा था, जब सूरज क्षितिज पर होता है, और आप तय नहीं कर पाते की अब सुबह होने जा रही है, या शाम ।
लेकिन अविज्नान मानों मेरे मन तथा चित्त को भी खुली किताब की भाँति पढ़ रहा हो । उसने ही मौन भंग किया, वह बोला, :
"कभी-कभी ऐसा होता है कि आपका चित्त समय को धोखा देकर अस्तित्त्व के गहनतर स्तरों को छूने के लिए व्याकुल होता है, और 'मन' के विचार, ऐसा होने में खलल डालते हैं । फ़िर भी कभी-कभी खुशकिस्मती से , चित्त समय को (या मन को) धोखा दे पाने में सफल हो जाता है, और उन स्तरों से 'एकात्म' हो जाता है । उस विभोर स्थिति में अनायास उस अवस्था के दर्शन हो सकते हैं, जो सम्पूर्ण अस्तित्त्व का सारतम सत्य है , -जो विचार या मन कदापि नहीं है । मन या विचार तो उस पर छाये बादल या आवरण मात्र हैं । फ़िर उस 'सत्य' का दर्शन 'किसे ' हुआ / होता है, यह प्रश्न भी एक असंगत प्रश्न जान पड़ता है ।
मैं उसे 'प्रज्ञा' कहना चाहूंगा । क्योंकि विचार या मन के न होने पर 'मैं' जैसी कोई चीज़, - अस्तित्त्व से अपनी कोई पृथक 'पहचान ही कहाँ शेष रह जाती है ?
लेकिन इसीलिये तब आप 'कहीं-और' होते हों, ऐसा भी नहीं कहा जा सकता । आप स्वप्न में, नशे में, निद्रा में, या बेहोशी में नहीं होते, आप किसी कल्पना में भी निमग्न नहीं होते । "
"क्या यह आत्म-साक्षात्कार (enlightenment) है ? " -मेरे मन में तुंरत ही प्रश्न उठा, लेकिन एक दूसरा प्रश्न उसे किनारे करता हुआ प्रबल हो उठा ।
"फ़िर अविज्नान के साथ ही ऐसा क्यों होता है ? वह अजनबी माहौल में लोगों को उस विशेष दृष्टि से क्यों देखने लगता है, जो लोगों को स्तब्ध कर देती है ?" -मैंने अपने भीतर, और उससे भी सवाल किया ।
"हाँ, मैंने ख़ुद भी इस पर सोचा है, और 'सोचा है' कहने से बेहतर होगा, यह कहना कि मैंने इसका पता लगाने की कोशिश की है । "
मैं चुपचाप सुनने लगा, इंतज़ार कर रहा था मैं, उसके जवाब का ।
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>उन दिनों -27 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
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मूढ़-मति !

मूढ़-मति !

तब और अब में,
कितना-कुछ बदला है !
तब, न भविष्य था,
-और न 'तब' किसी 'भविष्य' का कोई ख़याल तक था ।
बस, वर्त्तमान -ही वर्त्तमान था ।
समय ?
-समय भी कहाँ अस्तित्त्व में था ?
लेकिन गुज़र गया, फ़िर भी ।
न जाने कैसे !
-कब हवा हो गया ,
-जो नहीं था,
वह !
... ... ... बाल: तावत् क्रीडासक्त: !

****************************************************************************

और अब ?
अब समय ही समय है,
मेरे पास !
-सोचने के लिए !
अब भी भविष्य कहीं नहीं है,
लेकिन उसका ख़याल ज़रूर है !
-ख्याल क्या ?
मेरे सामने मुँह फाड़े खड़ा एक बाघ ,
जिसे मैं मुँह बाये देख रहा हूँ ।
और ,
समय वह अंतराल है,
-जब वह बाघ मुझे फाड़ खायेगा ।
शायद एक लंबे पल में ।
ख़याल क्या,
-छाती पर पड़ा एक बोझ,
एक दु:स्वप्न ।
अंतहीन, .... , अनवरत ।
... ... ... वृद्ध: तावत् चिंतामग्न: ।

**********************************************************************************

हाँ,
बीच में वह भी वक्त था,
जब समय कैसे गुजर गया,
ठीक से कभी समझ ही नहीं सका ।
(- जो होता ही नहीं , वह गुजरने का सवाल ही कहाँ है ?
-पूछता हूँ मैं,
अपने-आप से ! )
प्यार, शादी, बच्चे,
और नौकरी !
हाँ मानता हूँ मैं,
कि तलाक़ का सुख मेरे नसीब में नहीं था !
( क्षमा करें, एक मसखरा विचार बीच में दखलंदाजी कर गया ।)
संबंध, व्यस्तताएँ, और 'कर्त्तव्य' !
डर, आशंकाएँ, और आकांक्षाएं !
-तरुण: तावत् तरुणी-रक्त: ... ... ... !

***********************************************************************************

लेकिन अब 'भजन' भी कहाँ हो पाता है ?
फ़िर भी हर रोज गीतापाठ करता हूँ,
-नियम से !
और रोज ही पढ़ता हूँ,
-द्वादश पंजरिका स्तोत्र !
-"भज गोविन्दम मूढ़-मते !"
सोचता हूँ,
शायद कहीं,
शायद कभी,
कुछ नया हो जाए !
या,
मरने से पहले,
कहीं कोई अघटित न हो जाए,
इस डर से ग्रस्त रहता हूँ,
-मैं  !
-आशावायु साथ जो नहीं छोड़ती !
*********************************************************************
लेकिन,
"परमे ब्रह्मणि को 'पि न लग्न: "
पढ़ता हूँ मैं,
प्रतिदिन ।
शायद, शायद, शायद,
शायद !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***********************************************************************************

The Rivulet -: -- 12-20

The Rivulet :

-12-

******************************************************************************

"Chaturtham koosh'maand'aa"

Suraa-Sampoorna-Kalasham Rudhiraaplutameva- Cha,

Dadhaanaa-Hasta-Padmaabhyaam-Koosh'maandaa Shubhamastu me !

"Panchamam Skandamaateti"

Simhaasanagataa-Nityam Pdmamaashrit-Karadwayaa,

Shubhadaastu Sadaa Devee Skandamataa Yashaswinee .

"Shash'th'amam Kaatyaayaneeti Cha"

Chandra-Hasojjwalakaraa Shaardoolaravaahanaa,

Kaatyaayanee-Shubham-Dadyaa-Devee Daanava-Ghaatinee .

"Saptam Kaala Ratreeti"

Eka-veni Japaakarn'apooraa Nagnaa Kharrsthitaa,

Lamboshth'ee Karnikaakarnee Tailaabhyaakta-Shareerinee .

In Navaraatra Days, He would Chant while performing Pujaa of Devee.

On One such Navaratri, when Sharu wasnine years, He 'initiated' her into "Saraswat-Deekshaa.

By now was well-acquainted with various Sanskrit Chants, because of Father's company.

She was affectionately called 'Sharu', which was the short for 'Sharadaa', a name of Devee Saraswatee.

She had already learnt Sanskrit Vyakaranam and basics of Indian Classical Music.

She knew where 'C' (Saa) of the Octave starts. She always cherished to develop the singing skills, but father seemed to be reluctant to her this deep craving.

"Why?"

-She would often brood over it.

The reasons became clear, only when was she 16+ of Age.

One day, her father allowed her to practice the specific 'Raags' of Indian Classical Music.

Then father told to a friend of his,

I am happy that this girl of mine has successfully passed through the barrier, I was hopeful of.

He was waiting to see, how her voice turnes-out, when she crosses this specific age, when the

voice may go awry. Fortunately, It remained clear and melodious. Her voice gave her a free

access in all the three octaves.

But even then, Her father one day told her about the 'inner-music', that one needs to discover.

He taught her about the four kinds of 'Sound', one should be able to discriminate well.

He taught her about the "Vaikharee",

He taught her about the "Vaak",

He taught her about "Pashyantee", and finally about the "Paraa".

She asked him about the significance of each of them.

And he told her in short thus, :

"Vaikharee" is the sound made by animate and the in-animate objects.

"Vaak" is the one, through which one talks to one-self.

"Pashyantee" is the one, which remains attentive, and where-from "Vaak" originates.

"Paraa" is the All-encompassing Source and Ground of these three kinds of Sounds.

Telling her about the 'Shaila-Putree" and "Brahmachaarinee" forms of the "Mother-Principle",

He told her, "Staying in 'Brahman' is 'Tapas", and according to Upanish'ads, :

'Brahman Is Tapas'.

'Staying in pure sense of Being, without identifying oneself with the modes of the mind (Vritti) is 'Tapas'.

Though Formless, The 'Divine Mother-Principle (Paraa) becomes manifest, again in three

forms:

Cosmic,

Collective,

and Individual.

The Mother-Principle really never undergoes any change, but all this is Her Great Play only.

"Leelaa".

She was listening to it attentively.

In the evenings, The devotees would play "Garabaa", before an idol of Devee.

In Garabaa, only Female devotees could participate.

She too would take part enthusiastically. But it was a festival of devotion.

-Pure Devotion only.

There was no scope for vanity.

On such occassions, sometime some devotee would be 'possessed' by 'Maataa'.

Her father would worship her with due ritual performance, and there was no doubt, scepticism or fear about such incidence.

She always witnessed such an event with awe, -with admiration.

The Devee would sometimes perform some miracles, sometimes predict about the future of the

land, the people, and occassionally would suggest some remedies to ailing, worried devotees.

People talked about the veracity of theose predictions.

She was told by the father that human beings should not comment about such things. It is

beyond the capacity of "Vaikharee" and "Vaak" to understand such phenomena.

She could just wonder. She had to wait till she reaches to the "Pashyantee" level of the

Existence. And it is just as the "Grace" would have it. She would get readily convinced.

***********************************************************************************

-13-

"Mahaa-Gaureeti Chaash't'amam ... ... ..."

Shwete Vrish'e Samaaroodh'aa Shwetaambardharaa Shuchi:,

Mahaa-Gauree Shubham-Dadhaan-Mahaadeva-Pramodadaa.

This was the last stanza of the 'Chant' sung by her father. The titles cited before each of them together make-up one more shloka in themselves :

Prathamam Shaila-Putree Dwiteeyam Brahma-Chaarin'ee,

Triteeyam Chandra-Ghant'eti Chaturtham Cha Koosh'maand'aa.

Panchamam SkandaMaateti Sh'ash'th'am Kaatyaayaneeti Cha,

Saptamam Kaala-Ratreeti, Mahaa-Gaureeti Chaash't'amam.

These were the Eight 'Forms' of the One and Only One Divine Mother, which the devotees worshipped during "Nava-Durgaa"- Festivals.

She was enchanted by every form of the Mother. Occasionally, she would realize that her mind has become tranquil, calm and collected. A soothing Light would engulf her mind and body and being. She could know only after returning to her usual self, that the "Light" was the Grace of the "Divine-Mother". This repeated for years. Especially on Fridays, and Tuesdays in the evenings, but sometimes in the mornings also. This was a kind of 'normal' thing for her.

In one of the Navaratra, however she came across a new revelation. While doing the traditional 'Garabaa', she felt the same Light is approaching to her from all directions, and as the Light touched her, she found herself transfixed in It. The sense of 'personal'-being however continued at a mild level. Only the Light that descended upon her took control of all her physical actions. She could sense that she is now possessed by a Greater divine power, and she had not to have fear any more. The Power was worshipped by her father, and the devotees, in the same way, as she herself used to do, when she saw earlier such happenings with other devotees, mostly the females only.

This time, however she could remember that the "Power" had a specific ethereal form that closely resembled one of the nine forms of the mother, as described in the scripture. She never disclosed the thing to any one.

She now knew well that where-from the "Divine" Forms come and where they return.

Her father had explained it:

"Lochayati, Lochyate waa, iti Loka:"

It meant that one who 'sees' or 'seen' is "Loka" i.e. the 'soul'.

The Divine forms of the Mother are themselves their Realms, i.e. Loka.

All this is Verily the "Brahman",

-The Upanishadik Lore came to her mind.

The Life was going smoothly. After some years she was married to a Brahmin boy of her own caste, and entered the 'Grihastha-Ashrama'.

She was not very wealthy, but had servants to help her in the domestic chores. She however continued to celebrate Navaratra, to worship and feed "Kumaarees", all the same. She would be 'visited' by the Divine Mother now and then, but nothing note-worthy happened. She gave birth to a son and a daughter,and lived happily.

***********************************************************************************

-14-

The ninth form of the Mother :

"Navamam Siddhi-Daatree...."

Siddha-Gandharva-Yakshaadyai:-asurai:-amarai:-api,

Sasevyamaanaa Sadaa Bhooyaat Siddhidaa Siddhidaayinee.

These nine forms of the Divine Mother Durga were devotedly worshipped during the Navaraatra Time.

During one such Navaratra, when she was just preparing for the evening pooja, a humble villager came to have her 'Darshana'

He prostrated before her. She was sometimes greeted by the visitors in such a way.

She just raised her open right palm upon her and said :

'Tathaastu'.

She was not even asked for a boon, but as the words spontaneously escaped her lips, the villager was just wonder-struck .

Taken aback, He tried to convey his wish, when she herself remarked,:

'Don't doubt, I shall myself appear at your home as a girl-child after the next Navaratra.'

She said to him.

She was at the time at another level of 'consciousness'. She was just lost in the contemplation of

the Mother, when he had suddenly arrived there.

She so, couldn't remember even a single thread of the conversation between them.

She resumed her work.

Next year, along-with a fellow women devotees of her village, she went to visit some holy places.

She went to Haridwaar, Rishikesh, Vaishno-Devi, Gangotree, Yamunotree. They had planned to visit KedaarNath and Badri-Naath Dhaams.

While returning, They again took a dip in the Ganges, -precisely at Har-Kee-Paidee, when the

memory of that humble villager resurfaced before her mental eyes. She could see her time had

come . She knew well that she is going to be absorbed in the Holy Ganges.

Unhesitatingly, she stepped forward in the deep waters, and was gone !

The mighty waves took her fast in their stride. The fellow women could do nothing.

They made a frenetic search for her, but she was swept-away in the streams. Found no-where.

*************************************************************************

-15-

'Kinee' was 'Sharu' .

When the old villager heard the news of his wife's pregnancy, he was in his late

forties. Some 18 years ago was he married and so far had been childless. When the news broke-

over in the village, every-one congratulated him and his wife.

On the auspicious day of Deepawali, his wife delivered a girl-child. Living in the village that was

near a river, he named her ''Mandaakini', and the father lovingly called her by the name 'Kinee'.

We don't know if he knew or not about the demise of 'Sharu' alias 'Sharadaa'.

He was just happy.

He lived in the hamlet near the tiny rivulet, that becomes a somewhat bigger stream and joins

another one some thirty-forty miles away from his village. The river then again meets the

mighty Yamunaa. He had twice visited the confluence, where It joines the river Yamunaa.

'kinee' perhaps never knew the meaning or the origin of her name. She just thought, her name

was an alternative to a very small piece of 'mishree', or the sugar. And perhaps she was given

this name, just as the custom . Incidentally, she had a friend, who told her it was the name of some river. She didn't know what was the truth. She, however liked her name.

*********************************************************************************

-16-

The Night was past twelve. The deep silence and the noise and sounds of the wild 'beings' permeated the jungle. It was the first night of the new moon, -'Pratipadaa'.

She was hungry and thirsty, but it did not become a distraction to her journey 'inwards'.

She was so deeply absorbed and a bit fascinated also into the re-occurrences of her past lives, that seemed to her, as if re-enacting themselves, that a question started haunting her.

'Who am I?',

-verbally it could be framed in these three words. It was a real-life identity-crisis to her. She could not see if Sharu became the girl Kinee, or the girl Kinee was Sharu in her past life! She couldn't even judge if she was Kinee's new birth, or Kinee was her past one ! Who is She? She could vividly see that she was a female tiger retiring in her isolated spot under the trees in the silent jungle, but she could now doubt this fact .She thought, may be in the waking hours she is the female tiger, yet during hours when she is fast asleep, she owns other identities. She laughed aloud . In the silent jungle, her laughter didn't cause a stir. When she could not bear, she rose-up and went to the adjacent water-hole to quench her thirst.

The dreams/other worldly experiences resumed their play.

It occurred to her that she was just a witness that gave foundation to all these three characters, namely; Sharu, Kinee and this current one, the tiger. In an instant flash, her identity was bare before herself.

Good Joke ! she uttered to herself.

Then what does it mean when she is no more?

She could now easily recall all the three births, but the current one seemed to be overpowering. The other two seemed as if were a lucid dreams only.

Then again she wondered, why she has donned the tiger-skin?

She searched more and more. She could see herself postured in 'Padmaasana', performing some 'japa' as Sharu. Then she recalled herself as Kinee, playing with a tiger and being attacked and killed by the same. Then once more, she could find herself in a tiger-body, sitting with the hind legs folded while the rear-ones stretched-out crossing each other.

And it was very comfortable for her to perceive the thing, -her true identity, which was a non-verbal entity, as her simple being, -the witness.

She immediately realized that humans could never grasp this simple truth of Life.

She was a 'vehicle' of Life, she said to herself.

Then again she saw her father's face, who had told her about this truth.

'Life', -the Mother Divine permeates and pervades the whole Existence. The Whole Existence is just an infant in Her lap. But for the humans, She owes forms, she Herself becomes 'the Existence', -the whole life.

She rides the back of a Tiger, and the bull, and the Hansa (Swan), and the Peacock, and she keeps the existence breathing, alive.

Even at the gross level, humans survive, only if the tiger survives. If tiger survives not, only the herbivores would be there on the earth. They would graze-out every bit of grass, and the land will face droughts and famines , and humans too would vanish. And if Humans vanish, Life is lost.

Then, the tiger and the other carnivores have a slow rate of population. And if they are in aplenty, humans would go for their hunt. So, this whole life is a complete and perfect cycle.

***********************************************************************************

-17-

Bodily, she was a tiger, mentally, she was an amalgam of several mental attributes, thoughts, feelings, emotions, intelligence, all mingled together in front of the back-drop of a 'sense' of 'I'/ 'me'. An intense urge to understand the significance of this 'sense' of 'I'/'me' arose in her very being, at the core, where-from this sense must have its origin.

She could recall the events of her past lives as if happening on a screen. She was the screen, She was the picture, and she was the rapidly moving pointed tip of the consciousness that gave form and colour to the picture. She was the 'time-span' in which the pictures owed their ( virtual ) existence.

The myriad pictures were formed in a bit of second, and were dissolved in the nothingness.

The identity-crisis was overcome in a fraction of the moment. But it was not a 'new' knowledge.

Time had been ever like this. It never moved. It was the film that kept moving and created a sense of the movement of pictures, and the illusion of the passage of time also.

Bodily, she would live for the rest of her stipulated life as a lady tiger. She would kill a beast twice a week. Sometimes a day, if she kills a rabbit or a deer, She would search for a male, she would give birth to cubs every third year, and after some 15 to 20 years, or before that, die.

In the following night, she resumed her journey through the proverbial 'memory-lane'.

As Sharu, she was aware about the significance of 'Praana' and 'Chakras' , of 'Kunda' 'Kundala' and 'Kundalini', Of 'Idaa', 'Pingalaa' and 'Sushumnaa'. Of the various 'Devas' that own the 'Chakras'. The various kinds of 'Praanaayams', The concentration of mind, and retaining the 'Praanas', at a specific 'Chakra' or nerve-center. She also knew how to locate the centres through the 'inner-eye', without bringing-in imagination. How to 'vitalize' them, and direct, stop or reverse the movement of 'Pranas' through various passages (Naadees). How to propitiate the specific deities that are connected to those different centres. It was really very absorbing and yielding too.

But then ?

She could see, how 'Kaaya-vyooh' creation helped exhausting the 'individual-praarabdha' and that is one cause that lead her to newer births.

The successive 'Kaayaas' and the lives, helped her, no doubt.

But then ?

-What next?

She had no answer, but a deep satisfaction, contentedness, within her .

*************************************************************************************

-18-

She could vividly 'see', her own past lives, when she was some aspirant , when she was a yogi,

tapasvee, bhakt, jnaanee, and saadhak. When she was having a male body. She had been trained

by competent spiritual masters. It was the life, when she believed in 'enlightenment', and in

'bondage', liberation, and God . Her belief was just nominal, because it was founded on ignorance

of the True nature of them. What precisely did she know? She wanted to gather 'knowledge'.

She desired to be a great scholar, Pundit, a Master of all Vedik-knowledge.

But there lied a ray of hope. The master repeatedly instructed her to practice 'chintana' of the

transient nature of the life, of the worldy pleasures and sorrows, and try to see for herself, what

lies beyond them. The master was very emphatic that any spiritual search in the quest of God,

Truth, Religion, Self, Brahma, etc. begins with understanding that if there is something, which

may be permanent ? If the search is not motivated with this understanding, it would eventually end in the pursuit of some worldy gains, and that would fail all efforts.

य एषु सुप्तेषु जागर्ति .

य एषु सुप्तेषु जागर्ति

कौन है वह जो 'इन' 'सोये-हुओं' में जागता है?
मैं इस सूक्ति को कुछ अलग अर्थ में देखता हूँ।
सोचता हूँ यह 'किसका' उल्लेख है?
कौन है, जो जागता है, -सोये हुओं के बीच ?
सोये हुए तो,
'-मैं जागता हूँ, ' नहीं कह सकते !
वे तो,
'मैं सो रहा हूँ,'
-ऐसा भी कहाँ कह सकेंगे?
निश्चित ही,
अवश्य ही,
'कोई' है,
जो 'जागृत' है ।
जो 'जानता' है, कि मैं सोया हुआ नहीं हो सकता ।
और 'दूसरे' ही 'सोये' हुए हैं ।
क्या शरीर ?
शरीर अपने स्वाभाविक कर्म में रत है ।
ऋतुओं की तरह ।
न जाने किसकी प्रेरणा से ?
"केन प्रेषितो अयं ?"
वह कुछ भी नहीं कहता,
न यह कि मैं जागता हूँ,
और न यह, कि मैं नहीं जाग रहा ।
बस चुपचाप अपना कार्य करता रहता है ।
फ़िर कौन?
क्या इन्द्रियाँ ?
वे तो मन का अनुगमन करती हैं,
-यंत्रवत ।
मन के जुड़ने से ही उन्हें 'सत्ता' मिलती है ।
हाँ यदि मन उनका दास हो जाए, तो मन उनके स्वरूप का हो जाता है,
-सोया-सोया सा,
-खोया-खोया सा ।
यंत्र ही हो बैठता है वह ।
क्या यंत्र कभी सोते हैं ?
या कभी जागते भी हैं ?
वे तो अपने स्वामी के संकेत से कार्य करने लगते हैं ।
किसी 'जागृत' सत्ता की प्रेरणा से स्फूर्त्त होकर !
किसी जागृत 'सत्ता' द्वारा 'प्राणों' को आंदोलित कर दिए जाने पर !
और,
क्या 'प्राण' भी यंत्रवत ही किसी 'देवता' का सान्निध्य पाने पर ही,
अपना कार्य नहीं करते हैं?
क्या उस 'जागृत' सत्ता को कोई 'सुप्त' कभी देख सकता है ?
'जागृत' अपना प्रमाण आप ही है ।
तो हम कर रहे थे ,
-इन्द्रियों की बात,
वे 'प्राणों' की गति से, और प्राणों को प्रेरित करनेवाले,
उस 'जागृत' या सुप्त मन की संलग्नता से ही अपने-अपने कार्य में प्रवृत्त होती हैं न ?
और 'मन' ?
क्या वह बुद्धि, स्मृति, इच्छा, संकल्प, और,
राग, द्वेष, से ही 'प्रवृत्त' नहीं हुआ करता ?
क्या वे सभी,
-यंत्रवत ही अपना कार्य नहीं करते ?
क्या वे 'जागृत' होते हैं ?
हाँ वे कार्य में संलग्न या उससे विलग्न अवश्य होते रहते हैं ।
क्या उनसे जुड़ा 'मन' सोया हुआ ही नहीं होता ?
किसी 'आदर्श', कल्पना, सुख-दु:ख या 'अवसाद' में,
'स्वप्नों' में डूबा हुआ ?
तो इन सब 'सोये-हुओं' में,
-'कौन' जागता है ?
"मैं" ?
जरूर हर-कोई जानता है,
-जब वह जागता है ,
जरूर हर कोई जागता है,
-जब वह जानता है ।
वह 'कौन' , कौन है ?
जो सदा है,
जो सदा-सर्वदा ही ऐसा है ।
-वह जागता भी अवश्य है ?
जो, सदा ।
जो मुक्त भी तो होता है,
कभी-कभी,
जब 'कोई' 'सो' रहा होता है,
और, जब हम उसे जगाने जाते हैं,
तो वह कहता है, -
'अभी मैं सो रहा हूँ, सोना चाहता हूँ।
जगाओ मत !'
क्या वह झूठ कहता है?
यदि वह झूठ कहता है, तो कैसे कह सकता था ?
यदि वह जाग रहा है, तो कैसे कह सकता था ?
'य एषु सुप्तेषु जागर्ति '
-ऋषि के वचन कितने अद्भुत हैं !
कितने सुंदर !
'य:' कहते ही, ऋषि,
उसे 'जागृत' कर देता है,
'अनावरित', और मुक्त,
'जो' सदा ही ऐसा है ।
- नित्य जागृत है ।
ऋषि,
क: एषु सुप्तेषु जागर्ति ,
स: एषु सुप्तेषु जागर्ति,
या,
अयं एषु सुप्तेषु जागर्ति ,
नहीं कहते !
जागृत चैतन्य को क: , स: की तरह से नहीं पहचाना जा सकता !
क्योंकि तब वह 'अपने ' से ही 'अन्य' हो जाता है !
चैतन्य तो 'अनन्य' होता है,
अहम्-इदं के विभाजन से रहित !
और इसीलिये , उसे स: अथवा अयं के रूप में भी नहीं ग्रहण किया जा सकता ।
य: का प्रयोग कितना सम्यक प्रयोग है !
तस्मै ऋषये नम इदं ।
किंतु यदि जागृत - चैतन्य सोये हुओं में जागता है , तो अवश्य ही वह उन सोये - हुओं से अभिन्न भी होता है ,
क्योंकि 'सोये-हुए' तो स्वयं को भी नहीं प्रमाणित कर सकते !!
कैसे ?
जागृत-आदि त्रयोन्मुक्तम , जागृत-आदि-मयं-स्तथा ,
ओंकारैक सु-संवेद्यो यत्पदं तन्नमाम्यहम !(मांडूक्य-उपनिषद् )
फ़िर ,
तत्-युष्मदोरस्मदि - संप्रतिष्ठा ,
तस्मिन्-विनष्टे -अस्मदि -मूल -बोधात ,
तत्-युष्मदस्मिं -मति वर्जितैका ,
स्थिति: ज्वलन्ती सहजात्मन: स्यात !! (सत् -दर्शनं , श्री रमण महर्षि )


ब्रह्म सजातीय, विजातीय, तथा स्वगत भेदों से रहित है ।
नित्य जागृत चैतन्य , आत्म-तत्त्व, ही इन सोये हुओं में जागता है ।


posted by Vinay Vaidya,


********************************************************************************

My first posts

The Rivulet : 1 - 11.

-1-


She,
Was a cute girl.
Comely, charming,
-17.
Going to jungle every-day.
In fact, it was her home!
She lived there in a hut.
With her parents.
She used to roam the surrounding jungle every-day.
The monkeys, the mongoose, were her friends.
And the fish,
-That lived in the little water-hole (well), adjacent to her hut.
And also those, who swam into the rivulet from where she fetched water.
Because it was convenient.
Because she could play there with the fish,
and bring the water from there while returning.
She was often accompanied by her puppy,
-Always, -we can say !
It was also cute like her,
- but ferocious too!
Her parents were living with her.
They were worried about her marriage !
They but never showed their anxiety before her.
Where-from the money will come?
They had been saving it bit-by-bit.
The jungle was enough to give them their daily bare requirements,
-like food, cloth and shelter.
But they needed salt too !
And the jungle sometimes provided them something that they can exchange for money
and buy such luxuries sometimes.
She knew about their worry, stealthily though, while listening to their talks.

***********************************

-2-

Today she saw 'Her'.
The Tiger, or rather the Tigress,
-The Lady-Tiger !
In the quiet hours just before dawn, when the darkness becomes thicker.
She was going to respond the daily early morning call of the nature, as usual.
She had no facility in the hut,
She spotted her there.
Quenching the thirst, in the river-waters.
She was stunned.
Oh yes!
It was a She-Cat!
A large one.
The wild-one.
The Big Lady-Tiger -in fact!
There were Black and yellow, creamy stripes on her body !
Golden, honey-coloured.
She walked-away, Gracefully.
While walking-back, she looked with her wide eyes to the girl.
It sent a shiver in her spine.
Without staying for the next second she was gone.
-Leaped onto her way.
In those silent hours,
There was the silver showering from the sky,
- in the form of moonlight.
They were on the opposite sides of the rivulet.
At the far ends.


*****************************************


-3-

She was not afraid.
She returned to the hut.
The father had got-up.
He put a 'biree' in his mouth'
Lit a match-stick and blew-out a thick smoke.
Took the 'tin-mug' and left for the jungle.
She didn't tell him or the mother about the tiger.
Instead she untied the puppy from the corner, and took it out for the daily stroll.
She was worried about her puppy.

She knew it was a relishing food for the 'bitch'.
She cursed the big bitch-cat.
She would not leave the puppy alone any more.
But then,
There are far more animals, bigger ones, that could feed the 'bitch',
-She consoled herself.
She played with the puppy,
-kissing her sometimes, running after him, chasing him to long distances in the
jungle.


*****************************************************

-4-

In the coming nights she would get-up twice or thrice, startled by her own thoughts.
She knew the natural enmity between the felines and the canines.
She would sometimes used to sleep with the puppy, but only when she was a bit
doubtful about its safety.
Otherwise, she would just check out for it in the corner, and see it there sitting lazily or just snoozing.
Then one evening, she again spotted the tiger.
Returning from the jungle, with firewood and a few wild berries, and the puppy, she
saw her. She was there under the thicket of the bush. Relaxing, as if a part of the
land. She hurried to home. The tiger remained unmoved when she cast a glance over her again.
The same thing happened after a few days, when she saw her speeding away towards the deeper area of the jungle. She heaved a sigh of relief.

*********************************************


-5-

After every 2-3 weeks she would encounter her from a long distance, and she
gradually grew bold and fearless of the feline. She began to feel some kind of
affinity with her. During next whole year they both developed a cordial friendly
relationship. The tiger was almost tamed by her. Occassionally, she would sniff her,
and she would just have shivers . She could not believe, but it gave to her a strange
sense of gratification. Now she didn't carry the puppy along-with. She had an axe, :
'-in case something happens',

-she would think aloud.
The time kept moving, the seasons changed, and one day she found her puppy missing.
It was missing for the next two days. She had three consecutive sleepless nights.
She couldn't see the tiger also. The third day the puppy returned, with a bitch.
She understood. The three lived happily there for a few months and the bitch gave 3
cute pups.


The things repeated. She was now having an 'affair', -sort of a romance with the tiger. She could now gaze sometimes for a moment, for a very long moment indeed, though it was really a fraction of a second, appeared to her an unending long one moment.
Looking into those fearless fiery big eyes always fascinated her. Somehow, one day
she gathered heart and caressed her fur. The silky, smooth stripes . There were many
fears. Trepidation, thrill, excitement, but She had a great experience that day.

After returning to home the pets kept sniffing and barking at her incessantly.
Only after her taking a bath the pets could somehow manage to bear her. After that
day she never tried to touch the big cat.

But she would meet her once in a while
without fail.
And this happened one day.

She saw her, The big cat approached her with silent paces, very gracefully and kept basking in her company as usual. Suddenly in a fit of rage, it pounced upon her, tore her, and made her her food.
The pets kept waiting for her. The father searched for her, and found her remains
in the jungle. He could easily recognise her clothes, bangles and the ear-rings.


****************************************************************************

-6-

She was there. All alone.
She could not believe her eyes. She could not understand if she was the same girl, that she herself had devoured yesterday. She was the tigress, and she was the girl.
She could see the things, the happenings, and understand too, but could not think in
or through words. The past life would come to her as a remembrance,njust like a waking-
dream. She was going through two mental states. One, as a tiger, another as the girl. Gradually these two states merged into one, and she started feeling herself now mostly
as a tiger, though occassionally, she would dream of being the girl also.
She was after all a wild animal ! Was she one?
She felt She was the Goddess of the woods, Fauna -वन देवी, वन-दुर्गा,  'Van-Devi'.
She even now sees in her 'waking dreams' how she had worshipped herself when she was a 16 year old girl, -during the past life?
- As a tiger she could never remember she had devoured a sixteen or eighteen year old
girl a year ago !
She could remember how she worshipped the Mother-Goddess, the River-Goddess,
and the Goddess in stone, The Marble-One. She could here some sounds, chants, and

rituals being performed by herself in that 'past' life of her's.
The merge was complete. The girl and the tigress coalesced.


*************************************************************************

-7-

What does that mean to her?
There was one, The Tigress, which remembered her past "Lives".
Though she thought herself a tigress, she could never deny, she was a girl in a past life.
She roamed free, in the vast 'Sanctuary', the 'Reserved Forest', where hunting was
prohibited by the Law of the Land.
It was comparatively a longer winter.

In this part of the earth, the winter was a
pleasant gift of nature (thinking a in tiger-friendly way.)
The day-time was shorter, the nights longer. She could go on her hunting expedition.
She was also sensing the upsurge of a strange energy and spirit in herself. She needed a 'male' friend. The urge was intense, great indeed !!
One night she smelled a scent in the jungle. The wind had carried the scent from the
east, and she could recognise immediately; it was the 'puppy'. It was her her own pet. She was transported for a while into the realm of the girl's life. Something stirred in her heart. The images revived. She gave a roar, the girlish one. Quick came the reply.
There was one on the far-end in the east. It was a Big Tiger, Male.
It was not her puppy. Then why she smelt her 'puppy' in the scent ?
She could see. She could understand by her sixth sense. She could understand the tiger had eaten-up her puppy. And her puppy had a new birth! Death is not ugly. She realized.
She could see she could continue, reunite with her own dear puppy ! She was in fact Happy. No thought of complaint touched her mind. Instead, she felt gratitude ! To the Mother Goddess. Who-so-ever may she be !!
She could sense the secret !

या देवी सर्वभूतेषु... 

या निशा सर्वभूतानां... 
" ya nisha sarva-bhootaanam...."
These lines came to her mind. She could hear the syllables, but couldn't see what it
meant ! She could remember she had heard these sounds in her yet earlier past life when she daily recited 'Geetaa'.
In the flashback, She could see a clear picture of a (her own previous) life, when
she was a scholarly lady of repute.
She spontaneously with-out a desire entered 'her' psyche of her own past birth as that lady. She knew so many things in those ten or fifteen minute's time.
She was deeply engrossed in that 'vision' when the wind had changed the direction of
movement. It was now very slow, south-eastwards. And the scent was gone. She
searched a long way through the jungle, but alas ! She couldn't reach her soul-mate,
on that dark night !!

************************************************************************


-8-


That night was a long, very long, lonely night. She had never known what loneliness
meant.That night she was sad. Sad for what? For the 'puppy'? In a way, -yes, she could no more bear the pain of separation. In her mind the images overlapped, intersected, intercepted, shared each other, and she was split in herself as a result. So many dream-spaces tried to occupy her. Their conflict gave a way to her past forgotten memories.
She was a scholar, she was not though directly connected with the religion, but the
Sanskrit language was her passion. She dwelt on the beauty and the sublimity of the
language. The most important aspect of the language that impressed her, was the growth of sensibility accompanied by learning it. You always achieve another higher level of sensibility, a kind of spiritual Intelligence, -she would realize. She could understand the hidden and secret,  sacred meanings of this timeless, ancient, old, ancient language.
She had her own way of grasping the words, she would often break-up every word, and
see how they are formed. ETYMOLOGY.
"Ya Devee Sarvabhooteshu, ... ... ..."
Suddenly the words came-up in her mind. She corrected herself. 'But then isn't "Nisha"
'a Devee, -a Goddess?' -she said to herself.
There was the catch, She could see now.
So It is the Mother Goddess, that permeates every creature, every being. Every-one
is Her child. Me too.
She again tried to 'visualize', her past birth as a scholar. Yes. She understood the words are never a way to knowledge. There is some other route, to understand the life. -And the things that are life.
She again remembered, what she was trying to understand, She could see now how the
animals were sacrificed before an idol of Devee. She could see, for the first time,
that Life and death are one, inseparable. Nothing dies.
It went on throught the night. She didn't go for a 'kill'. She had killed a wild boar, and the half-eaten body of the animal was still there near her den. She felt thirsty, Went up to the water-hole to quench the thirst.
She would observe a fast to-night.

**************************************************************

-9-

It was a strange night. She kept awake the whole night. She always wake-up after sun-set, wonder the jungle, eventually find some deer, or other animal to feed herself. Sometimes it would take 2 to 3 hours. Meanwhile she would go to the water-hole for the drink. She never killed an animal while drinking water. She could not kill a creature when it would be fulfilling some natural need. She would never kill a couple, But occassionally she had killed a pregnant one, in-advertantly. Afterwards, she could not consume the prey, and now she know, why. Now she know the strange ways of destiny. Not exactly, but she does know life learns about itself, and the destiny always helps.

The sacrifice of a buffalo and the goats before the idol of Devee came before her eyes. Once She had seen herself that a tiger had leapt-out upon, from the clay-image of the vehical of the mother, when a sacrifice was being performed. She told this to the  surrounding people, but they laughed-away at her remarks in disbelief. She was just  surprised. But she knew that it has some meaning at the higher level of life's esoteric facts.

"Destiny". she uttered to herself.

It was a no moon night. "अमावस्या amAwasyA", when the moon rises not.". She recalled. She was there. As a lady, she was not allowed to take part in the certain rituals, but she could attend the ceremonies.

The next nine days she had observed the ceremonial fast. In those nine days, the Mother Goddess revealed before her Her nine forms, and so far she kept the things secret. She knew well, that The Mother is, Everything. Manifest and the Unmanifest. And It is a Play of a kind.

She could see the meaning of the sloka -

"Ya Devee Sarva Bhuteshu......"

She could understand there are innumerable forms of the Mother, and the worldly mother is but one of them. She also remembered, how a cat consumes one of her kittens !

And how a female-snake, one or many of her own offsprings.

But it in no way justifies a sacrifice. She thought.

It is the Mother Nature, that has her own ways. One should never comment upon it.

It was the dawn of wisdom. She would just stay-away amazed. Speechless.

In that moonless night several screens opened-up before her eyes.

The past birth(s).

******************************************************************************

-10-

She was 5, when her mother died. The mother loved her deeply, and she felt her absence when she left her at that tender age.

Her father was a Brahmin, working as a priest in the Durga Temple.

Her father was a Sanskrit-loving pundit, and was very particular about observing and performing the rituals in minute details. She could hear the different mantras, Ved-paath daily in her house. After the death of the mother her father soon married her aunt, the younger sister of her mother.

It was very helpful to him, because now he could devote more time to his work and the child could be also be taken care of well.

The aunt was also very affectionate towards her, but not like her own mother. She would cling to father more, and in a way, it created in her heart an interest of Sanskrit chants.

She could recite the Geetaa, though she could hardly understand even the simple meanings of the slokas.

"Ahamaatmaa Gudakesha Sarva-Bhootaashay-sthita:"

(10/20), was a typical sloka that was her favourite one, because she thought, it has something to do with 'jaggery', -the indian 'Gud', raw form of cane-sugar.

Years after she could see the real meaning of the word, and knew that it was an address to Arjuna. It meant; 'the one that has conquered the sleep'.

What is meant by 'conquering the sleep' ?

-She had asked to her father.

The father was very happy for her asking such a question.

'There are so many kinds of sleep'. He explained.

'One is the simple sleep which overpowers us in the night.

Then there is another one. The ignorance of our true identity. We are lost in identifications and in this way are unmindful of the real truth of our being. We think, we are a person, and remain forgetful of our reality. This is called the sleep of ignorance.

-sleep of delusion, -"Moha-Nidra".

"Moha" means, not seeing the truth in the right way. "Muh" is the 'dhaatu', (root) . The words 'Moodha' has its origin in "Muh". Every-one from the very birth is a "Moodha", Because of th senses are naturally turned outwards. One, who has turned the senses inwards can be said to have 'awakened', -no more asleep. But this is the beginning. Arjuna could turn his senses inwards. And so, he was aware that he was till now living in 'Moha-Nidra'. Waking-up to one's "Moha-buddhi" is also a victory over sleep.

"What precisely did he wake-up to?"

-She asked to the father.

'Of course, he didn't wake-up to the Reality of the Self (Atmaa), but became conscious of the 'self-sense' that every one has naturally from the very birth, but most don't ever become conscious of.' -said he.

"Asmi-Chetanaa?"

"Yes." "Knowing that 'I am', precedes knowing everything else. That is pure knowing of being. The intellect is just a development of this pristine 'knowing".

From there on, a question kept haunting her, :

"What is this "Self"?

"I am", and I know I am. But what does that mean? And 'God' resides within the heart i.e. core of very being of every creature in the form of "Asmi-Chetanaa". She concluded.

She was also careful that it is just an intellectual inference, and has to 'stay' for long in this truth, so that the full import of it can dawn upon her.

She would repeat this sloka,and came to understand the deeper meaning when she compared it with :

"Vedaanaam SaamavVedo-Asmi, .... ....

.... ..... ... Bhootaanaam-Asmi-Chetanaa"

She knew, the Devee and The "Asmi-Chetanaa" are same in essence.

She got a straight indication, how to go in search of The God.

*****************************************************************************

-11-

Her father was chanting a prayer, :

Prathamam Shailaputree.

"Vande Vaanchhit-Laabhaay chandraardha-krit-Shekharaam,

vrish'aaroodh'aam shooladharaam Shailputreem Yashaswineem."

She thought, the first manifestation of the Divine Mother is in th Earthly body of a 'cell' which connotes with 'Shail'. Medical Science would agree. She thought.

"Dwiteeyam 'Brahmachaarinee "

"Dadhaanaa kara-padmaabhyaamakshamaalaa-kamand'alam,

Devee praseedatu mayi Brahmachaarin'yanuttamaa."

"Triteeyam Chandra-Ghant'eti"

"Pind'ajapravaraaroodh'aa Chand'akopaastrakairyutaa,

Prasaadam Tanute Mahaam ChandraGhant'eti Vishrutaa."

Her father one day told her the deeper meaning of this next sloka.

She could immediately realize that "God lives in the hearts of all creatures in the form of 'pure knowing'."

It was the first day of Navaratra, some 50 years ago !!

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next :

The Rivulet -

12-21

ज़ख्म

ज़ख्म

आओ कि ज़ख्म हरे कर लें !

क्योंकि इस दुनिया की तमाम तकलीफों की वज़ह हम ही हैं !

क्योंकि हमारे दिलों में अब, वह कोना नहीं पाया जाता,

जो पहले कभी इंसानों के दिलों में हुआ करता था,

-हमेशा से ।

आओ कि ज़ख्म हरे कर लें ।

हमारे घर से गायब है,

-अब आँगन !

क्या आपने नहीं महसूस किया कभी ?

और गौरैया,गिलहरियाँ, कौवे भी !

और वैसे ही नहीं हैं अब हमारे दिल भी ।

हमारे जिस्म में ,

-जैसे कि पहले कभी लोगों में हुआ करते थे !

जहाँ हुआ करता था,

-एक दिल,

-एक दर्दे-दिल,

आँगन में तुलसी के बिरवे सा,

जिसके चौरे में,

बिटिया रखती थी हर साँझ,

-एक दीपक ।

आओ कि .... .... ....

वज़ह है,

घर में,

दर्द का वह हरा कोना,

-अब न होना !

मन के घर में उसका न होना ।

-घर में आँगन न होना,

घर के आँगन में उसका न होना !!

इसलिए ज़रूरी है,

मन के घर में उसका होना,

घर के आँगन में उसका होना !

आओ कि ज़ख्म हरे कर लें !

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