My first posts

The Rivulet : 1 - 11.

-1-


She,
Was a cute girl.
Comely, charming,
-17.
Going to jungle every-day.
In fact, it was her home!
She lived there in a hut.
With her parents.
She used to roam the surrounding jungle every-day.
The monkeys, the mongoose, were her friends.
And the fish,
-That lived in the little water-hole (well), adjacent to her hut.
And also those, who swam into the rivulet from where she fetched water.
Because it was convenient.
Because she could play there with the fish,
and bring the water from there while returning.
She was often accompanied by her puppy,
-Always, -we can say !
It was also cute like her,
- but ferocious too!
Her parents were living with her.
They were worried about her marriage !
They but never showed their anxiety before her.
Where-from the money will come?
They had been saving it bit-by-bit.
The jungle was enough to give them their daily bare requirements,
-like food, cloth and shelter.
But they needed salt too !
And the jungle sometimes provided them something that they can exchange for money
and buy such luxuries sometimes.
She knew about their worry, stealthily though, while listening to their talks.

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-2-

Today she saw 'Her'.
The Tiger, or rather the Tigress,
-The Lady-Tiger !
In the quiet hours just before dawn, when the darkness becomes thicker.
She was going to respond the daily early morning call of the nature, as usual.
She had no facility in the hut,
She spotted her there.
Quenching the thirst, in the river-waters.
She was stunned.
Oh yes!
It was a She-Cat!
A large one.
The wild-one.
The Big Lady-Tiger -in fact!
There were Black and yellow, creamy stripes on her body !
Golden, honey-coloured.
She walked-away, Gracefully.
While walking-back, she looked with her wide eyes to the girl.
It sent a shiver in her spine.
Without staying for the next second she was gone.
-Leaped onto her way.
In those silent hours,
There was the silver showering from the sky,
- in the form of moonlight.
They were on the opposite sides of the rivulet.
At the far ends.


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-3-

She was not afraid.
She returned to the hut.
The father had got-up.
He put a 'biree' in his mouth'
Lit a match-stick and blew-out a thick smoke.
Took the 'tin-mug' and left for the jungle.
She didn't tell him or the mother about the tiger.
Instead she untied the puppy from the corner, and took it out for the daily stroll.
She was worried about her puppy.

She knew it was a relishing food for the 'bitch'.
She cursed the big bitch-cat.
She would not leave the puppy alone any more.
But then,
There are far more animals, bigger ones, that could feed the 'bitch',
-She consoled herself.
She played with the puppy,
-kissing her sometimes, running after him, chasing him to long distances in the
jungle.


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-4-

In the coming nights she would get-up twice or thrice, startled by her own thoughts.
She knew the natural enmity between the felines and the canines.
She would sometimes used to sleep with the puppy, but only when she was a bit
doubtful about its safety.
Otherwise, she would just check out for it in the corner, and see it there sitting lazily or just snoozing.
Then one evening, she again spotted the tiger.
Returning from the jungle, with firewood and a few wild berries, and the puppy, she
saw her. She was there under the thicket of the bush. Relaxing, as if a part of the
land. She hurried to home. The tiger remained unmoved when she cast a glance over her again.
The same thing happened after a few days, when she saw her speeding away towards the deeper area of the jungle. She heaved a sigh of relief.

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-5-

After every 2-3 weeks she would encounter her from a long distance, and she
gradually grew bold and fearless of the feline. She began to feel some kind of
affinity with her. During next whole year they both developed a cordial friendly
relationship. The tiger was almost tamed by her. Occassionally, she would sniff her,
and she would just have shivers . She could not believe, but it gave to her a strange
sense of gratification. Now she didn't carry the puppy along-with. She had an axe, :
'-in case something happens',

-she would think aloud.
The time kept moving, the seasons changed, and one day she found her puppy missing.
It was missing for the next two days. She had three consecutive sleepless nights.
She couldn't see the tiger also. The third day the puppy returned, with a bitch.
She understood. The three lived happily there for a few months and the bitch gave 3
cute pups.


The things repeated. She was now having an 'affair', -sort of a romance with the tiger. She could now gaze sometimes for a moment, for a very long moment indeed, though it was really a fraction of a second, appeared to her an unending long one moment.
Looking into those fearless fiery big eyes always fascinated her. Somehow, one day
she gathered heart and caressed her fur. The silky, smooth stripes . There were many
fears. Trepidation, thrill, excitement, but She had a great experience that day.

After returning to home the pets kept sniffing and barking at her incessantly.
Only after her taking a bath the pets could somehow manage to bear her. After that
day she never tried to touch the big cat.

But she would meet her once in a while
without fail.
And this happened one day.

She saw her, The big cat approached her with silent paces, very gracefully and kept basking in her company as usual. Suddenly in a fit of rage, it pounced upon her, tore her, and made her her food.
The pets kept waiting for her. The father searched for her, and found her remains
in the jungle. He could easily recognise her clothes, bangles and the ear-rings.


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-6-

She was there. All alone.
She could not believe her eyes. She could not understand if she was the same girl, that she herself had devoured yesterday. She was the tigress, and she was the girl.
She could see the things, the happenings, and understand too, but could not think in
or through words. The past life would come to her as a remembrance,njust like a waking-
dream. She was going through two mental states. One, as a tiger, another as the girl. Gradually these two states merged into one, and she started feeling herself now mostly
as a tiger, though occassionally, she would dream of being the girl also.
She was after all a wild animal ! Was she one?
She felt She was the Goddess of the woods, Fauna -वन देवी, वन-दुर्गा,  'Van-Devi'.
She even now sees in her 'waking dreams' how she had worshipped herself when she was a 16 year old girl, -during the past life?
- As a tiger she could never remember she had devoured a sixteen or eighteen year old
girl a year ago !
She could remember how she worshipped the Mother-Goddess, the River-Goddess,
and the Goddess in stone, The Marble-One. She could here some sounds, chants, and

rituals being performed by herself in that 'past' life of her's.
The merge was complete. The girl and the tigress coalesced.


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-7-

What does that mean to her?
There was one, The Tigress, which remembered her past "Lives".
Though she thought herself a tigress, she could never deny, she was a girl in a past life.
She roamed free, in the vast 'Sanctuary', the 'Reserved Forest', where hunting was
prohibited by the Law of the Land.
It was comparatively a longer winter.

In this part of the earth, the winter was a
pleasant gift of nature (thinking a in tiger-friendly way.)
The day-time was shorter, the nights longer. She could go on her hunting expedition.
She was also sensing the upsurge of a strange energy and spirit in herself. She needed a 'male' friend. The urge was intense, great indeed !!
One night she smelled a scent in the jungle. The wind had carried the scent from the
east, and she could recognise immediately; it was the 'puppy'. It was her her own pet. She was transported for a while into the realm of the girl's life. Something stirred in her heart. The images revived. She gave a roar, the girlish one. Quick came the reply.
There was one on the far-end in the east. It was a Big Tiger, Male.
It was not her puppy. Then why she smelt her 'puppy' in the scent ?
She could see. She could understand by her sixth sense. She could understand the tiger had eaten-up her puppy. And her puppy had a new birth! Death is not ugly. She realized.
She could see she could continue, reunite with her own dear puppy ! She was in fact Happy. No thought of complaint touched her mind. Instead, she felt gratitude ! To the Mother Goddess. Who-so-ever may she be !!
She could sense the secret !

या देवी सर्वभूतेषु... 

या निशा सर्वभूतानां... 
" ya nisha sarva-bhootaanam...."
These lines came to her mind. She could hear the syllables, but couldn't see what it
meant ! She could remember she had heard these sounds in her yet earlier past life when she daily recited 'Geetaa'.
In the flashback, She could see a clear picture of a (her own previous) life, when
she was a scholarly lady of repute.
She spontaneously with-out a desire entered 'her' psyche of her own past birth as that lady. She knew so many things in those ten or fifteen minute's time.
She was deeply engrossed in that 'vision' when the wind had changed the direction of
movement. It was now very slow, south-eastwards. And the scent was gone. She
searched a long way through the jungle, but alas ! She couldn't reach her soul-mate,
on that dark night !!

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-8-


That night was a long, very long, lonely night. She had never known what loneliness
meant.That night she was sad. Sad for what? For the 'puppy'? In a way, -yes, she could no more bear the pain of separation. In her mind the images overlapped, intersected, intercepted, shared each other, and she was split in herself as a result. So many dream-spaces tried to occupy her. Their conflict gave a way to her past forgotten memories.
She was a scholar, she was not though directly connected with the religion, but the
Sanskrit language was her passion. She dwelt on the beauty and the sublimity of the
language. The most important aspect of the language that impressed her, was the growth of sensibility accompanied by learning it. You always achieve another higher level of sensibility, a kind of spiritual Intelligence, -she would realize. She could understand the hidden and secret,  sacred meanings of this timeless, ancient, old, ancient language.
She had her own way of grasping the words, she would often break-up every word, and
see how they are formed. ETYMOLOGY.
"Ya Devee Sarvabhooteshu, ... ... ..."
Suddenly the words came-up in her mind. She corrected herself. 'But then isn't "Nisha"
'a Devee, -a Goddess?' -she said to herself.
There was the catch, She could see now.
So It is the Mother Goddess, that permeates every creature, every being. Every-one
is Her child. Me too.
She again tried to 'visualize', her past birth as a scholar. Yes. She understood the words are never a way to knowledge. There is some other route, to understand the life. -And the things that are life.
She again remembered, what she was trying to understand, She could see now how the
animals were sacrificed before an idol of Devee. She could see, for the first time,
that Life and death are one, inseparable. Nothing dies.
It went on throught the night. She didn't go for a 'kill'. She had killed a wild boar, and the half-eaten body of the animal was still there near her den. She felt thirsty, Went up to the water-hole to quench the thirst.
She would observe a fast to-night.

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-9-

It was a strange night. She kept awake the whole night. She always wake-up after sun-set, wonder the jungle, eventually find some deer, or other animal to feed herself. Sometimes it would take 2 to 3 hours. Meanwhile she would go to the water-hole for the drink. She never killed an animal while drinking water. She could not kill a creature when it would be fulfilling some natural need. She would never kill a couple, But occassionally she had killed a pregnant one, in-advertantly. Afterwards, she could not consume the prey, and now she know, why. Now she know the strange ways of destiny. Not exactly, but she does know life learns about itself, and the destiny always helps.

The sacrifice of a buffalo and the goats before the idol of Devee came before her eyes. Once She had seen herself that a tiger had leapt-out upon, from the clay-image of the vehical of the mother, when a sacrifice was being performed. She told this to the  surrounding people, but they laughed-away at her remarks in disbelief. She was just  surprised. But she knew that it has some meaning at the higher level of life's esoteric facts.

"Destiny". she uttered to herself.

It was a no moon night. "अमावस्या amAwasyA", when the moon rises not.". She recalled. She was there. As a lady, she was not allowed to take part in the certain rituals, but she could attend the ceremonies.

The next nine days she had observed the ceremonial fast. In those nine days, the Mother Goddess revealed before her Her nine forms, and so far she kept the things secret. She knew well, that The Mother is, Everything. Manifest and the Unmanifest. And It is a Play of a kind.

She could see the meaning of the sloka -

"Ya Devee Sarva Bhuteshu......"

She could understand there are innumerable forms of the Mother, and the worldly mother is but one of them. She also remembered, how a cat consumes one of her kittens !

And how a female-snake, one or many of her own offsprings.

But it in no way justifies a sacrifice. She thought.

It is the Mother Nature, that has her own ways. One should never comment upon it.

It was the dawn of wisdom. She would just stay-away amazed. Speechless.

In that moonless night several screens opened-up before her eyes.

The past birth(s).

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-10-

She was 5, when her mother died. The mother loved her deeply, and she felt her absence when she left her at that tender age.

Her father was a Brahmin, working as a priest in the Durga Temple.

Her father was a Sanskrit-loving pundit, and was very particular about observing and performing the rituals in minute details. She could hear the different mantras, Ved-paath daily in her house. After the death of the mother her father soon married her aunt, the younger sister of her mother.

It was very helpful to him, because now he could devote more time to his work and the child could be also be taken care of well.

The aunt was also very affectionate towards her, but not like her own mother. She would cling to father more, and in a way, it created in her heart an interest of Sanskrit chants.

She could recite the Geetaa, though she could hardly understand even the simple meanings of the slokas.

"Ahamaatmaa Gudakesha Sarva-Bhootaashay-sthita:"

(10/20), was a typical sloka that was her favourite one, because she thought, it has something to do with 'jaggery', -the indian 'Gud', raw form of cane-sugar.

Years after she could see the real meaning of the word, and knew that it was an address to Arjuna. It meant; 'the one that has conquered the sleep'.

What is meant by 'conquering the sleep' ?

-She had asked to her father.

The father was very happy for her asking such a question.

'There are so many kinds of sleep'. He explained.

'One is the simple sleep which overpowers us in the night.

Then there is another one. The ignorance of our true identity. We are lost in identifications and in this way are unmindful of the real truth of our being. We think, we are a person, and remain forgetful of our reality. This is called the sleep of ignorance.

-sleep of delusion, -"Moha-Nidra".

"Moha" means, not seeing the truth in the right way. "Muh" is the 'dhaatu', (root) . The words 'Moodha' has its origin in "Muh". Every-one from the very birth is a "Moodha", Because of th senses are naturally turned outwards. One, who has turned the senses inwards can be said to have 'awakened', -no more asleep. But this is the beginning. Arjuna could turn his senses inwards. And so, he was aware that he was till now living in 'Moha-Nidra'. Waking-up to one's "Moha-buddhi" is also a victory over sleep.

"What precisely did he wake-up to?"

-She asked to the father.

'Of course, he didn't wake-up to the Reality of the Self (Atmaa), but became conscious of the 'self-sense' that every one has naturally from the very birth, but most don't ever become conscious of.' -said he.

"Asmi-Chetanaa?"

"Yes." "Knowing that 'I am', precedes knowing everything else. That is pure knowing of being. The intellect is just a development of this pristine 'knowing".

From there on, a question kept haunting her, :

"What is this "Self"?

"I am", and I know I am. But what does that mean? And 'God' resides within the heart i.e. core of very being of every creature in the form of "Asmi-Chetanaa". She concluded.

She was also careful that it is just an intellectual inference, and has to 'stay' for long in this truth, so that the full import of it can dawn upon her.

She would repeat this sloka,and came to understand the deeper meaning when she compared it with :

"Vedaanaam SaamavVedo-Asmi, .... ....

.... ..... ... Bhootaanaam-Asmi-Chetanaa"

She knew, the Devee and The "Asmi-Chetanaa" are same in essence.

She got a straight indication, how to go in search of The God.

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-11-

Her father was chanting a prayer, :

Prathamam Shailaputree.

"Vande Vaanchhit-Laabhaay chandraardha-krit-Shekharaam,

vrish'aaroodh'aam shooladharaam Shailputreem Yashaswineem."

She thought, the first manifestation of the Divine Mother is in th Earthly body of a 'cell' which connotes with 'Shail'. Medical Science would agree. She thought.

"Dwiteeyam 'Brahmachaarinee "

"Dadhaanaa kara-padmaabhyaamakshamaalaa-kamand'alam,

Devee praseedatu mayi Brahmachaarin'yanuttamaa."

"Triteeyam Chandra-Ghant'eti"

"Pind'ajapravaraaroodh'aa Chand'akopaastrakairyutaa,

Prasaadam Tanute Mahaam ChandraGhant'eti Vishrutaa."

Her father one day told her the deeper meaning of this next sloka.

She could immediately realize that "God lives in the hearts of all creatures in the form of 'pure knowing'."

It was the first day of Navaratra, some 50 years ago !!

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next :

The Rivulet -

12-21